It was only a few years ago that I even knew about this Golan-Globus Cannon musical production that came out the same year as similar flops like Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu or better received hits of the same genre like The Blues Brothers and the original Fame. I'll just say that while I was weireded out by the direction of some sequences and the way they were put together, I actually did like many of the musical numbers and the way they tied to both plot and characterization. And I also thought the actors that sang, with the exception of Catherine Mary Stewart who was nicely dubbed by Mary Hylan, also did a good job. So on that note, I'll just say that The Apple is neither one of the worst nor one of the best of the movie musicals. It's just simply a fascinating futuristic look at a time 14 years after this was made at what the music industry would be like if Disco, Glam Rock, and Folk/Adult Contemporary were the only musical trends (or non-trends) to go to as choices...

Vapid (largely due to the male lead's inability to act - not surprisingly, this was his only film),bizarre fantasy-musical-allegory. It gets points for its sheer audacity and the effort that was put into it - it was probably made on a relatively low budget, yet it manages to create a world of its own; apparently it was filmed in Germany, but it seems to be taking place on another universe altogether. For some reason, it reminded me of "Zardoz" (yes, and "Logan's Run" too): these movies are so bizarre that they belong in a league of their own, beyond "good" and "bad". Best song: "If you know how to be a ma-ster". (**)

Kudos to this German production by Golan/Globus. Who else could have conceived of a Sci-fi/Disco/Musical/Religious epic? Unlike Ed Wood's flicks (such as Plan 9, Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Monster),this movie proves that an embarrassingly silly and awful picture does NOT need to be made on a shoestring budget! Horrible costumes and extremely silly sets cost big bucks!

While some of the actors do actually sing reasonably well, Vladek Sheybal and Ray Shell's singing (among many others) are straight from the "Paint Your Wagon" school of movie-making which states that "just because some actors have NO discernible singing ability does not mean they cannot sing in a musical". I assume based on the banality of the music and lyrics that the same philosophy was also employed. In fact, the same could be said about the acting, sets and directing and choreography (e.g., the great song and dance number in Hell midway through the movie). It's as if Golan/Globus said "let's find as many UNTALENTED people as possible and get them together to make a movie--it will be a real HOOT!".

So, if I hated this movie so much and found it abounding in ineptness, why am I writing this review? My wife tells me I am a masochist and about awful movies, I think she's right. I love to watch wretched movies.

The Apple is not an annoying bad movie (such as ANYTHING involving Pauley Shore),a cheap schlocky bad movie (SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS or ROBOT MONSTER),a disgusting bad movie (any movie involving groups of semi-brain-dead teens being stalked by a hockey masked sociopath) or a boringly bad movie (THE CONQUERER). Instead, like such notorious greats like THE TRIAL OF BILLY JACK, this movie seems to try VERY hard and yet fail on almost every level. This is definitely the case with THE APPLE--it tries so very hard but utterly misses the mark each and every time!

In summation, I call all lovers of dreck to tune in to THE APPLE. And, I am happy to say, it is NOW available on DVD!!! This makes this is an absolute MUST SEE! I must warn you, however, that although the songs are really bad, you may find yourself singing them again and again in your head. For me, I kept hearing the "Do the BIM" song over and over...and even now I do as I write this!