No Holds Barred (1989): Dir: Thomas J. Wright / Cast: Hulk Hogan, Tiny Lister, Kurt Fuller, Joan Severance, Bill Eadie: Here is a screenplay so stupid that it would make better toilet paper than quality entertainment. Title indicates that rules will be broken but the whole point is exploited to death. It stars Hulk Hogan playing himself against Tiny Lister as Zeus in a much awaited wrestling bout. He turned down promoter Kurt Fuller so in a tantrum he hires Zeus to beat the tar out of Hogan. Zeus is one of the biggest jackasses ever to enter a film. He grunts, yells, beats on his chest. Plot is ridiculous and unrealistic when factoring in the fact that the law would not likely support such an event. director Thomas J. Wright could have saved money and just film any high school bully taking out his aggression on some poor dote on the playground. Aside from an embarrassing performances from Hogan who really should stick to wrestling, Lister is in a category all by himself, and his defeat is less than exciting. Fuller plays the typical irritating promoter who starts controversy and then cowers until fatal consequences. Joan Severance plays the ever familiar lame ass damsel. Bill Eadie appears as Rip's opening opponent but fans best remember him in his superior role as one half of the great tag team Demolition with partner Smash. It is meant to appeal to legions of Hulk fans so others should tear it in separate directions. Score: 0 / 10

Rip (Hulk Hogan) is the World Wrestling Federation champion who is faithful to his fans and the network he wrestles for. Brell (Kurt Fuller),the new head of the World Television Network, wants Rip to wrestle for his network.

So, seriously, the best name for their wrestling match they could come up with is "Battle of the Tough Guys"? I mean, why not a simple tweak to "Battle of the Titans" or something? I find it hard to take a film seriously that cannot even give its event a real title.

Of course, it is hard to tell how serious this film wants to be. For as much as it seems serious, it also has more than a moderate dose of comedy... and I cannot really tell where the line begins or ends. The plot itself is just so ridiculous -- a television executive kidnapping people and whatnot... and no one thinks the solution is to involve police rather than fight?

Film critic Brian Orndorf described the film as "tremendously crude, unapologetically manipulative, and aimed directly at easily entertained 13-year-old boys." Seems about right.

Evil television network president Brell (fiercely overplayed by Kurt Fuller) uses brutish means in order to force popular, but virtuous champion wrestler Rip Thomas (Hulk Hogan growling and grimacing with lip-smacking aplomb) to participate in a no holds barred brawl with ruthless and formidable behemoth Zeus (a furiously hammy portrayal by Tiny Lister).

Gloriously ludicrous right from the first frame, with lots of tin-eared dialogue, broadly drawn characters, sultry brunette knockout Joan Severance providing the smoking hot love interest, plenty of choice WTF? moments (a scared limo driver does number two in his pants!),a head-banging hair metal theme song, David Paymer sniveling it up as obsequious lackey Unger, an absurd story, enough sweat to float a boat, outrageous action set pieces, savage fights, and even a cameo from Jesse Ventura as himself, this hilariously horrendous hunk of cinematic cheese rates as a delectably dreadful hoot and a half.