I have a friend who is trying to lose some weight. To accomplish this, he recently went on a banana diet. Whenever he's hungry he just eats a banana. Well it looks like Kelly, the hero of this film, is on the same diet. He eats bananas throughout the movie, to comedic effect and at the most unexpected of times. The man eats a banana while dangling from the back of a moving speedboat! Then he casually tosses the peel into the water!

It's a spoof of other spy films, but it never goes too far overboard with the parody like Austin Powers, which is what I love about it. The main character is not an unbelievable buffoon, but a smart, capable, sophisticated spy—not unlike James Bond but with his own, funny personality—with a few good one-liners and who appreciates a good banana. Sure, it's very cheesy at times, but that is balanced with a generous helping of action and a decent storyline, topped off with spot-on performances and fun dialogue. There is one stunt in particular, involving a helicopter and a well-known Brazilian statue that had me on the edge of my seat.

This movie is both funny and tense. It's never boring, and every scene has something good in it. Mike Connors is great in the lead role, and he's backed up by some outstanding performances by Susan Fleming and Raf Vallone. However, I particularly enjoyed Terry-Thomas' pitch-perfect performance in the role of an unassuming chauffeur with a few tricks up his sleeve.

I saw this film at a revival house in Los Angeles many decades after its release. I was initially intrigued because of the awesomely hilarious title and the strange but funny trailer I'd seen played the previous week at the same theater. Everyone in the theater laughed and had a good time, but after it was over I overheard some of the other people in the theater say that it was so bad it was good. I didn't get that feeling. I just felt like it was good. I haven't been able to find it on home video and I get the feeling that it never received a wide home video release, if any, but if you get a chance to watch it I highly recommend it.

MASTER PLAN: infertilize the USA's population by eliminating the sexual drive (cripes!) via a launched satellite. This begins as an obvious spoof, showing some scientist getting shot in the jungles while exploring a local tribe's infertility problem, with satirical narration (by actor Michael Hordern, maybe?). It's a very goofy start. But, the action switches to Rio de Janeiro, a nice bit on Corcovado, in and around the famed statue, as an agent played by lead Mike Connors fights off a villain. This sets the tone for the rest of the film, a more sophisticated parody of the James Bond thriller than I first thought, in the vein of "Our Man Flint." There's the typical stuff: use of scorpions & piranha, the odd henchman and the main villain (Vallone) who has sinister grand plans for the world. Provine shows up as a femme fatale with a severely British accent. Terry-Thomas then pops up as an effeminate chauffeur who can handle himself very well in a fight.

The exotic locations in Brazil are pretty good; as mentioned in other comments, some of this, including some plot points, seems to have been copied by an actual later Bond film, "Moonraker," though one could argue this happened because this copies earlier Bond films such as "Thunderball" and "Dr.No." The story has some slow parts in the first half, meandering as the hero follows villains and vice-versa. This is reflected in the film's music score, which has a lazy, easy style to it, even during action sequences. As the hero, Connors also ambles his way through, usually laconic or sarcastic, depending on the scene, but projecting toughness. This was just before he began his 8-year run as tough TV private eye "Mannix." To give you an idea of the humor, there's a recurring theme of the hero's fondness for bananas. Things pick up in the latter half when the action shifts to the sci-fi stronghold of the villain. I've heard that this film is a favorite of Quentin Tarantino's. Hero:6 Villains:6 Femme Fatales:6 Henchmen:6 Fights:7 Stunts/Chases:6 Gadgets:6 Auto:4 Locations:7 Pace:6 overall:6

'Kiss The Girls & Make Them Die' ( to give it its American title ) was one of a number of films in the '60's designed to cash in on the success of James Bond. It was made by Dino De Laurentiis, a man who, like Irwin Allen, has attracted more than his fair share of derision over the years, despite having produced some pretty entertaining pictures, of which this is one.

It begins with a curious scene in the Brazilian jungles as eccentric English explorer Lord Aldric ( Terry-Thomas ) comes across a village where no children have been born in years, and despite the best efforts of the women the men appear completely disinterested in sex ( sounds like my home town! ). Aldric makes notes in his diary, only to be shot. The diary then goes missing - having been taken by one of the bearers - and a gang of villains, headed by wealthy industrialist David Ardonian ( Raf Vallone ) set out to recover it.

We then move to Rio De Janeiro. An American is watching a pretty girl and a young man through binoculars. Various thugs close in on him. Taking refuge in a giant statue of Jesus, he is stalked by a sinister bald heavy ( Oliver McGreevy - who also appeared in 'Modesty Blaise' and the first episode of 'The Prisoner' T.V. series ) with a gun. The American, whom we will later learn is called Kelly, is an agent of the C.I.A., and escapes from the killer with the aid of a helicopter.

Kelly is in Rio to investigate the activities of the mysterious Mr.Ardonian, believed to be responsible for the disappearances of beautiful girls. Each has lavish gifts bestowed on them, on the promise that they will remain faithful to him. If any break this vow - and one or two do - then he has them killed. His top henchman is Omar ( Sandro Dori ),a baby-faced blond psychopath whose favourite murder methods involve scorpions and boa constrictors.

To cut the story short, Ardonian plans on cryogenically freezing his girls and thawing them out for breeding purposes when the world's population has died out due to mass sterility - which he intends causing with the aid of a satellite that will blanket the world with radiation. The Chinese have provided him with a rocket, believing he will only sterilise the West. Of course he does not intend honouring this promise.

Joining forces with glamorous British agent Susan Fleming ( Dorothy Provine ) and her ever-so English chauffeur James ( Terry-Thomas again ),Kelly sets out to stop the madman.

The first thing to be said for the movie is that it looks more expensive than your average '60's spy caper. Most of the 007 wannabees lacked the kind of extravagance the Bonds had in abundance, but 'Kiss' was an exception. It boasts fabulous location filming in Rio, impressive sets ( Ardonian's underground lair is cool ),the gadgets are fun, the girls hot, and the hero stylishly played by future 'Mannix' star Mike Connors. Little is known about his character, we do not find out if 'Kelly' is his first name or last, all we really know is that he loves bananas. Unusually, he does not get to sleep around, though he proposes marriage to Susan at the end. Dorothy Provine is very funny, even if her English accent is none too convincing, but in a movie like this reality is unimportant. As 'Ardonian', Raf Vallone is as menacing as he was in 'The Italian Job' when he played the head of the Mafia. Terry-Thomas is a hoot as the karate chopping 'James'. As Chinese spy 'Wilma Soong', Seyna Seyn is devastatingly sexy, though underused.

It is said that the 1979 Bond movie 'Moonraker' is a virtual remake of this picture. I am sure Christopher Wood and Lewis Gilbert would vehemently deny it, but even so the resemblance is uncanny.

One of the film's writers, Jack Pulman, went on to pen the classic B.B.C. series 'I Claudius'. He probably only took this job for the money, but his script is a lot better than many others of the genre, being consistently amusing and inventive. Being English, he may have seen an episode of the 'Thunderbirds' T.V. series, explaining how 'Susan' and 'James' so closely resemble 'Lady Penelope' and 'Parker'.

Henry Levin, the director, keeps the action moving nicely, and it is hard to believe the same man directed two of Dean Martin's 'Matt Helm' pictures - 'Murderers' Row' and 'The Ambushers'.

The only fault I could find was the music, particularly the harmonica solos used during the action which seem to have drifted in from a Western. If ever a film cried out for Jerry Goldsmith it was this one.

'Kiss' never got a sequel. Bearing in mind how quickly the Flint and Matt Helm series deteriorated it is probably just as well. It is tremendous entertainment, a must for genre fans, and deserves a D.V.D. release. Perhaps now that Quentin Tarantino has officially endorsed it it may get one. Not before time either.