This film is so bad that I can't even get myself to give it a 1. A 1 is a rating for a film that is campy or so hideous that you have to see it to realize how hideous it is, one that is worth studying for its incredulous badness. A 2 goes to films that are so bad that you're surprised you can even get half of it. It's also a metaphor for what this film smells like. Who would believe that legends like Robin Williams and Billy Crystal would find anything good about this script? It certainly makes me not interested in seeing the original French version.

It's bad enough that the opening deals with a deceptive female (Nastassja Kinski) who couldn't even get a blood test to determine who the father of her son (Charlie Hofheimer) is. She goes around the country telling various men that they are the boy's father, and two of them (Crystal and Williams) go from San Francisco to Sacramento in their efforts to find him, discovering that he's a drugged out teenager somehow getting into adult clubs and passing out in the back room. Now they want to determine who the father is, and by this time, halfway through the film, the audience has either already checked out or joined the kid on the path to passing out.

This is a completely unpleasant film with the two not so funny man being extremely obnoxious and dislikeable, with Crystal obsessed with head-butting anybody who stands in his way and neurotic Williams going overboard in his oobvious self-hatred and his complete crassness. Bruce Greenwood, as Kinsky's husband and the man who raised Hofheimer, gets to roll down a hill locked in an outhouse, which is as close as classy as you'll get to in this film. Julia Louis-Dreyfus plays Crystal's obnoxious wife, and the best thing I can say about her performance is that she wears nice suits. If this film is ever put in a time capsule, it needs to be buried so deep where it is guaranteed never to be found.

Collette Andrews (Nastassja Kinski) tells her ex hard-nosed lawyer Jack Lawrence (Billy Crystal) that her full grown son Scott is his and he has run away. Then she tells suicidal artist Dale Putley (Robin Williams) the same thing. The two men run into each other and decide to search together. Jack's suspicious wife Carrie (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) follows them.

Crystal and Williams are great comics but their characters have no chemistry. They don't like each other and there is no reason for them to be friends. This is not a rom-com. A combative chemistry does not automatically end in a love match. Williams is too whiny and Crystal is too mean. I rather not spend time with these people and the kid is horrible.

When Scott (Charlie Hofheimer) goes missing, his mother (Nastassja Kinski) informs two of her former lovers that he could be their son. Jack (Billy Crystal) is a lawyer and is skeptical but when his business takes him to San Francisco, he looks for Scott, only to run into the extremely neurotic Dale (Robin Williams) who believes Scott is also his son.

Robin's neurotic character allows him to go through his various character routine which made him a star in the 80's. Together with Crystal they make for a pretty good film comedy duo. The plot was fairly stale and only the strength of Williams and Crystal pulled this thing through. 3 1/2 stars.

PARENTAL GUIDE: No f-bomb, sex, or nudity. Some minor sex talk. A soft PG-13 rating.