The mind boggles at exactly what about Universal Soldier merited a sequel. Since the real star, Dolph Lundgren, would not be able to reprise his role from the original, there is already scant reason to indulge oneself in this obvious tax write-off. Bold attempts are made to fill the gap with professional wrestler Bill Goldberg and martial arts expert Michael Jai White. To their credit, they give their action sequences a good sense of excitement. Bill Goldberg looks like he is having the time of his life on this film, and he makes a fair stab at filling the requisite comedic villain role. For once, his role is the kind that involves repeating the same line a few times, and it does not get irritating. The problem from the audience's point of view is that neither of these gentlemen really have the sense of comic timing or minor humility that makes Lundgren such a pleasure to watch in almost all of his films. And therein lies the problem. You do not go to see a Van Damme film because you want serious action. You go because you want comedy, however unintentional.

Unbeknownst to many people, Universal Soldier was followed by two direct-to-video sequels. I have only seen the first, which had production values so bad one can only wonder if it was meant to be some kind of elaborate joke. Matt Battaglia was so terrible in the role of Luc Deveraux that for once in his career, the sight of Jean-Claude Van Damme comes as a welcome relief. The film more or less completely disregards the stories of the aforementioned direct-to-video sequels, and instead begins a whole new story set an indeterminate time after the events of the original. After years of investigation and explanation, the Unisol project is still going ahead, with some minor modifications. For one, the new Unisols are stronger and more damage-resistant than their earlier cousins. For another, all of the Unisols are now under the direction of a supercomputer called SETH. In the early parts of the film, SETH exists primarily as a series of abstract graphics within a glass dome.

Being that the film barely lasts more than eighty minutes, we are quickly told that funding to the military is being cut. The Unisol project is on the chopping block, which essentially means that SETH will be turned off. SETH, somehow overhearing this conversation through means that are never really explained, decides to mobilise the Unisols as an army against those seeking to shut him down. His only problem is that every so often, a code is required to be put into his system in order to prevent automatic shutdown. Two individuals possess the code in question. SETH kills the first in short order, and those who are familiar with the plot kit that Van Damme's films are constructed out of will guess within five seconds who the second happens to be. The rest of the film revolves around the Unisols' attempts to get the code out of Van Damme without injuring him too badly. A subplot with a daughter and a reporter is woven into the film, but it adds about as much to the story as Van Damme does to the profession of acting.

The film is loaded to the brim with ridiculous lines and clichés. When SETH transplants his command module into the body of Michael Jai White, we get a speech about how the time of the humans is over. He goes on to tell his foot soldiers how fear and mortality will be humanity's weakness(es). Gee, SETH, you mean they will not be our strong points? All kidding aside, the short length of the film is both the film's weakness and its strength. It leaves the action without adequate setup. In the original, we are given a very thorough explanation of the Unisols, how they work, and how they are brought to the state that is seen in the majority of the film. Here, the writer seems to take it for granted that the viewer knows what a Unisol is and how they operate. At least in the original, a moment of curiosity and wonder was created by leaving the explanation for later in the film when the hero lies in a tub of ice. Here, one of the villains is shot with a gun that leaves massive holes in his uniform (and presumably his body),getting up every time without stopping for breath.

I tend to reserve the score of one for films that are so bad that they become entertaining in a completely unintentional manner. If you can see it on the cheap, knock yourself out. This is the kind of film that makes me mourn the loss of Mystery Science Theatre.

The Unisol program continues in a government research facility. Luc Deveraux (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is partnered with Maggie to refine the program. A new generation of Unisols are controlled by computer A.I. called S.E.T.H. When the defense budget is cut, the Unisol program is scheduled to close. SETH takes over the facility and uses the Unisols to stop the planned shut down.

At least, Van Damme came back. He's a little older and not quite so powerful. He simply isn't the same guy. There is plenty of shooting and plenty of action. However, the movie lacks tension. Despite being crammed with B-movie action, the fun isn't there. The whole thing feels very flat.

Jean-Claude Van Damme's latest is an unwelcome return to form(ula) for the actor after trying something a bit different with the likes of LEGIONNAIRE and DESERT HEAT. Yes, this is a bad film, though not perhaps as awful as the critics would have you believe. However, this time around the blame is not to be laid at Van Damme's feet; he's the same wooden actor as always, but here he's surrounded by actors and actresses even worse than himself.

Somebody made the unwise decision to cast wrestlers (!) in the roles of the bad guys, a worrying trend that seems to have caught on with THE MUMMY 2 as well. Michael Jai White tries to cut an imposing presence as a pumped-up computer-brained murderer, but he's stilted and wooden beyond belief. In the other extreme, wrestler Bill Goldberg turns up as an evil soldier and lends some unwelcome comic relief (!) to the proceedings. After being habitually beaten up by Van Damme, he gets to mutter some cheesy line or other, and some beyond belief in-jokes where he says some of his wrestling lines ("saved by the bell...").

The token female load interest typically lacks both acting abilities and charisma; Van Damme himself plays edgy/jokey Van Damme, making quips and wisecracks whenever he gets a chance to speak. Only the presence of seasoned support Xander Berkeley helps to lift the spirits a notch or too, but he gets killed off early on. The budget here was spent on some (admittedly impressive) huge explosions, leaving the rest of the film to have a glossy but cheap look to it. Actually, apart from the action and shooting, there aren't any other special effects apart from the main baddie's demise at the end; unfortunately, this too is mishandled as a) the CGI looks terrible, and b) his death is stolen from both TERMINATOR 2 and DEMOLITION MAN.

On the film's plus side, there is plenty of action to keep things moving along swiftly; indeed at 83 minutes this film literally flies by. The violence level is high, but not excessive as I'd heard. In spite of the lack of seriousness in the picture, the BBFC still saw fit to cut some bits out! Necks are snapped, lots of people run around burning, and there's a ton of shooting. Personally, I would have liked to see a little bit more inspiration in the deaths; my heart rose when I noticed a helicopter in the background in one fight scene, I thought perhaps somebody was going to get cut in half by a rotor. No such luck. Another opportunity, where a laser beam shines in somebody's eye, is also missed.

Overall, for me, there was one other stupid thing which lowered knocked the score down. Some imbecile saw fit to impose ridiculous songs over a lot of the action, totally ruining the effect. Okay, so I can handle music, but having someone scream unintelligible lyrics at inappropriate moments? It was bloody awful and difficult to believe. Otherwise, this is a typical brainless high-action film, no worse than something like SOLDIER.