Hey, they've taken the title of an old Glenn Miller hit and replaced Pennsylvania with Transylvania—isn't that hilarious? Well, actually, no, it isn't—and neither is anything else about this film!

A dreadful comedy/horror with a surprisingly decent cast, this has got to be one of the least amusing movie experiences I've ever had. Written and directed by regular Mel Brooks collaborator Rudy De Luca, the film is a desperate attempt to replicate Brooks' 'madcap' style, but which falls flat on its face thanks to the dreadfully weak material and ill-advised improvisational performances that result in some truly ludicrous moments that defy description. Bizarre it most certainly is, but on what plane of existence it could ever be considered funny I really haven't a clue.

Michael Richards baffles as demented butler Fejos; Carol Kane and John Byner irritate as kooky kitchen staff Lupi and Radu; a manic Joseph Bologna maddens as doctor Malavaqua; and Goldblum and Begley Jr. do their utmost to emulate Abbot and Costello's buddy-buddy style banter, but fail in every respect, the pair lacking any chemistry whatsoever. The only person whose performance I enjoyed was Geena Davis, on account of her revealing vampire costume—but even Geena in sexy goth get-up isn't worth sitting through this garbage for.

TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000 is one of a slew of '80s comedies that utilised tropes and ideas from the horror genre and came out in the wake of that classic hit GHOSTBUSTERS. Most of these aren't very interesting, and this one's one of the weakest yet; I mean, casting Jeff Goldblum of all people in the 'straight man' role was a bad idea from the start. This one was shot in Yugoslavia, where our reporter heroes track down variations on classic monsters (Frankenstein's Monster, the Wolfman, etc.) to no good effect. Jeffrey Jones is as creepy as ever and Geena Davis shows up wearing very little, but that's not a recommendation.

Two reporters (Ed Begley and Jeff Goldblum) travel to a strange castle in Transylvania to investigate the apparent reappearance of Frankenstein's monster...

One would think that with this cast (besides Begley and Goldblum, you have Jeffrey Jones, Geena Davis, Carol Kane and Michael Richards) it would be a non-stop fun romp through Transylvania. But, it really is not all that. While there are some decent jokes, most of them just fall flat or are never really properly explored.

Seeing a pre-Seinfeld Richards is a treat, with his antics being more along the lines of his role in "UHF" (the doofus with the childlike behavior). But although he may be the highlight of the film, he is not enough to carry the entire picture.

I feel like there was a lot of potential here and it was an idea that just never got fully cooked. But, you know, that happens.