My Review - The Portable Door

In Cinemas now Streaming on Stan April 2 My Rating. 1/ 10

I'm sorry this movie lost me completely I wanted to score it a zero but IMBD ratings start at one . I can't even rate the performances higher which is unusual but for me it was like the actors were in a bad school play.

I really honestly didn't get a moments entertainment from this confusing mish mash of a movie described as a Fantasy .

The plot I can't really describe as I just didn't get it so I'll just say it has something to do with a mysterious London firm and it's bizarre CEO and equally bizarre employees, one who has a romantic relationship with a stapler and has a kinky passion for office supplies.

Two young recruits Paul and Sophie attempt to find The Portable Door to where I have no idea ?

The CEO Christof Waltz and Office Manager Dennis played by Sam Neil who is also an ugly goblin are disrupting the world of magic.

There is no magic in this movie ,it's dark ,dreary and just plain boring .

The. Jim Henson Company and Story Bridge Films began developing this film in February 2020 . The ugly puppetry ,especially the goblins doesn't add anything to the movie except drag it down it just lacks life.

It's odd to me that the Director of Modern Family couldn't inject some humour into this Portable Door to nowhere ?

We both came out of the Cinema and said in unison What the F was that all about ?

Movie scenes are usually shot out of sequence so the actors may have thought the material they were working with would make sense in the Final Cut?

The Portable Door is a screen adaptation of the first book in Tom Holt's J. W. Well's & Co series and as far as I'm concerned let it end there as far as movies go I just hope the books better

An impressive cast in my opinion can't save a movie this bad .

Even if it includes Sam Neil as Dennis Tanner in a part that Guy Pearce turned down, Christoph Waltz cast as Humphrey Wells and Miranda Otto as Countess Judy.

The young couple Paul and Sophie are played by Patrick Gibson who wears far too much lipstick and Sophie Wilde who's soul has been stolen and just seems confused through the movie ,perhaps she's wondering why Paul is wearing lipstick.

The movie was filmed on The Gold Coast Queensland so I hope the entire production crew and cast had a nice holiday.

Just watched this in what is a early screening. It's a decent popcorn flick even if it tries a little hard to confuse the viewer. Deliberately I think we're meant to share the male leads confusion at what's happening to him.

The ending is telegraphed well in advance and I felt a bit of a let down. Probably just me in that I really disliked him winding up with the female lead who was such an entitled animal of choice they had to tone her down after the first few minutes and she still felt like a "I'll date you till I find someone better personality." Who's only with the lead because he has a unique power. Even laying her aside the ending felt like it had no real stakes as we see the only two sighting hit each other cleanly multiple times and do no damage. On top of which while its obviously meant to be a food triumphs over evil it felt more like neutral animal farmer winning against corporate mass production farmer. Seriously the "good guy" is completely unconcerned at the idea two "humans" will die in a few days.

Anyway decent flick to relax and unwind with, could be fun for tween or young kids though the humours a bit more adult than some may feel comfortable with but nothing more than a few dating jokes nothing especially crude.

I wanted to like this film, I really did. Sadly it comes across as a sort of 'Fantastic Beasts' but without the charm, fun and warmth.

It's difficult to engage with the characters when none of them are likeable, and the acting is just flat. Maybe the actors are a.i generated... that would at least explain the lack of emotion, commitment of passion.

The story despite having a good premise wanders around and doesn't really engage. I suspect the book is probably better.

It could be that I'm the wrong demograpic for the audience they were aiming for, perhaps young teens our low double digit kids will like it but for me it's a miss.

Shame, I think there could have been a good film in there.