What could have been a good cheesy B-movie in the vein of COMMANDO turns out to be an absolutely awful, devastatingly bad attempt at making an action film by people who clearly haven't got a clue about the genre. It's a brain-dead effort chronicling the 'adventures' of an ex-marine, trying to bust the bad guys who have kidnapped his wife. A simple plot, and an excuse for lots of action you might think. Well, you'd be wrong. In fact there isn't much action in a film that is instead so badly written that my dog could have done better. Imagine playground dialogue, preposterous situations, and a total disregard for the laws of physics and you have THE MARINE, an all-new low in cinema.

The saddest thing is that this film has had quite a budget spent on it. More than, say, something like Seagal's latest straight-to-DVD release. It's backed by WWE films, who I imagine won't be financing any more productions, and the target demographic appears to be black American teenagers, as the film is chock full of lame racial humour and bizarre music that doesn't really fit in. As the hero, John Cena is wooden beyond belief, offering no empathy into his character, no reason to back him or support him in his actions. He's a typical muscle man without a brain, all brawn and no acting skills. Opposite Cena is an actor who used to be good, before his career took a nose dive into the kind of B-movie pap that fills the shelves these days: it's none other than Robert Patrick, complete with a TERMINATOR in-joke at his expense. While Cena underacts, Patrick totally overdoes it, and he's never anything other than laughable. The rest of the cast are also pretty lame, especially Parker as comic relief and Carlson as the token blonde bimbo.

Don't get me wrong, I love B-movie action films but this one really takes the biscuit. The only halfway decent moment is a car chase about halfway through that's totally overblown but nevertheless quite enjoyable. That's about all the action the film offers, and if watching a guy running through the swamps endlessly seems like your idea of fun, then go ahead and check this out. The set-piece in the wooden shack is badly handled and the laughable climax so, well, laughable that even the entertainment value suffers. Of course they can't resist one more cheesy back-from-the-dead shock but I was in no mood for forgiveness by the time this arose. The fight scenes are poorly handled, cutting away from the hits and without any skill on the parts of the actors. This is really bad stuff, terrible in fact, with only a couple of decent explosions to recommend it. C-grade trash...

After the first 10 minutes or so of The Marine when John Cena after singlehandedly rescuing three fellow Marines from Al-Queda execution in the best Sly Stallone/Arnold Schwarzenegger fashion and then got himself a discharge for his trouble for disobeying an order, I knew this one was going to be a Thanksgiving treat. As we learned from Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge, the Marines do value initiative.

Anyway the rest of the film has him unable to adjust to civilian life and then his and wife Kelly Carlson's path cross that of a gang of murderous crooks at a filling station who take Carlson hostage. Bad mistake guys. If you are a fan of the Schwarzenegger/Stallone school of action flicks, you know exactly what the rest of the film is all about.

One bright spot in this film is chief villain Robert Patrick's performance. He is well aware of what a clinker this film is and he may cop the award for the most over the top, outrageously overacted performance of 2006.

And of course all the explosive pyrotechnics are nicely done as well.

Vince McMahon of the World Wrestling Federation and a man who has no sense of embarrassment as he proves time and again produced The Marine. John Cena of course had to lose the WWE title to get several weeks off to film this thing.

It may lead to a career in action films. Cena's got the body of a young Governator and no German accent either.

John Triton (John Cena) is a Marine who made a heroic rescue. He's rewarded with a discharge against his will. Back home he is just a security guard and they fire him there too. Rome (Robert Patrick) leads a group of murderous diamond thieves. They have a lot of fun shooting up everything. Robert tries very hard to be funny, but that's beyond him. During a shootout, they steal John's car and take his wife as a hostage.

WWE is making action movies, and it delivers exactly what you'd expect. John Cena is likable but has limited acting range. He kicks butt, and lots of things get blown up. Don't worry about story. Don't worry about acting. Don't worry about anything. Just turn your brain off and enjoy the action. It'll be over soon enough. They did get one good Terminator line in for Robert Patrick.