The Guardians are a team of Soviet superheroes created during the Cold War but hidden until they're needed in our time. Each member of the team represents a different nationality of the USSR and each of their powers reflect either a tradition of the people of Russia and its associated countries. It's really simple why I watched this: a bear uses a machine gun.

The Guardians of the Patriot Program are Ursus the bear-man, the super fast blade master Khan, the man who can control the earth named Ler and Xenia, a woman who turns invisible and can become water. They come back to battle their creator, Professor August Kuratov, who has become power mad and is taking over Russian.

This is the kind of movie a twelve-year-old boy would make, but then his parents would then make him include long talky parts that he'd advise you fast-forward so that you can watch a bear fight tanks.

There was originally a plan to make a sequel to this film, but it bombed badly and has been selected as one of Russia's worst movies ever. I don't have much experience with Russian films, but this didn't seem that bad.

From the cover this looks like an Asylum mock-buster of "Guardians of the Galaxy." In reality it is a Russian green screen version of their "X-men"/ "Fantastic Four." It has English dubbing options with English subtitles although the interviews are in Russian only with English subtitles.

In this feature Russia has a top secret genetic experimental program, which we learn about during the opening credits as they run newspaper headlines. Mark that as a "need improvement" item. August Kuratov (Stanislav Shirin) is a bad guy with super human powers. They need to find the super human people that were experimented upon by looking at newspaper articles that seem odd. Given the Soviet cyber ability, this takes less than a screen minute. Character introduction done in 30 minutes. Bad guy upper hand next 30 minutes...good guys come back the last 30 minutes...you know the formula. Sorry for the generic spoiler. Opens to a sequel.

One superhero has telekinetic powers, but just for rocks. Mark as another "needs improvement" item. The dialogue was stiff, almost like a Chinese film. Attempts at humor were just that: attempts. Action was good at times.

It is clear to me now, Russia hacked into "Guardians of the Galaxy 2" and replaced a very animated Johnny Depp with a lifeless CG image of Kurt Russell. Alina Lanina is pretty enough to be a first lady, when Putin needs a different spy in the White House. This must be true, I read it on Facebook.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.

THE GUARDIANS is a Russian superhero movie which feels very much like a local version of X-MEN or perhaps THE AVENGERS. The story sees a team of superheroes, each possessing their own distinct power, going up against the usual mega-strong villain bent on domination and destruction. As with other recent Russian blockbusters like ATTRACTION, this film features a colour palette with greys and blues emphasised, lots of low-rent CGI action, and not a great deal of sense. It feels like a re-heated re-hash of bits and pieces from American movies, with one character transforming into a giant bear in very much the same way as the Hulk, for instance. I found it lacking and rather stupid.