Don Andre de Baldasare was set to marry Pheobe Ann Naylor of Louisiana; after an affair of honor goes wrong, he has to flee across the river, into the wilds of Texas. Once arrived, he meets encounters Sam Hollis and his Indian sidekick, the Karonkawa Indian, Kronk, who are transporting rifles to the town of Moccasin Flats. Don Andrea rescues an Indian maiden, Lonetta, uses Spanish skills to tame longhorns, becomes Sam's rival for Phoebe's affections, heads off a band of angry Comahces and runs continually from the cavalry (who have come to Moccasin Flats to celebrate Texas' statehood but mostly charge after him in gallant groups). At the end of the film, the man Sam calls "Baldy" saves the town and also gets his girl--but which one wins him? In this cheerful and frequently hilarious screenplay, Alain Delon is very funny and understated as Don Baldasare, Dean Martin is a bit too-old as Sam Hollis perhaps but shows his excellent comedic timing in the likable role. Rosemary Forsyth is vivacious and very pretty as Phoebe Ann, Southern accent and all; Peter Graves and Andrew Prince lead the cavalry, to whom Graves continually issues orders such as "To the rur, har!" which no one understands any more than they can penetrate Kronk's Indian sayings, delivered deadpan and rather beautifully by Joey Bishop. Others in the large cast include Tina Aumont as the Indian girl, Michael Ansara as the Indian chief pursuing them, and Linden Chiles as his physically- inept son, Stuart Anderson, Roy Barcroft, George Wallace, Don Beddoe,.Kelly Thordsen, Nora Marlowe, and John Harmon. Director Michael Gordon kept the action and the laughs coming despite much of the film being filmed out-of-doors. the bright cinematography was supplied by veteran Russell Metty, the script by "Maverick" TV series alumnus Wells Root and Harold Greene, and the art direction was done by William D. DeCinces and Alexander Golitzen. Set decorations were supplied by John McCarthy Jr. and  James Redd; the vivid costume designs were created by Helen Colvig and Rosemary Odell. This is a personal favorite of mine as a writer, breezy in dialogue and attractively colorful and often amusing. I recommend it for repeated viewing, for its spaciousness and its intelligent comedy, its style and its infectious and fantasy-free good humor.

One of the classic episodes of the Beverly Hillbillies involved a group of movie Indians over at the Clampetts for vittles. They brought some native American cuisine over to the Clampetts and when Granny asked what kind of Indian fish dish it was, chief extra Benny Rubin said gefilte fish.

Jewish Indian, good for a few laughs on the Beverly Hillbillies, but a whole movie with Joey Bishop in an Indian suit? It wears a little thin after a while.

Alain Delon who may have been France's leading cinema star at the time sought to broaden his international appeal. I think once he got on the set of Texas Across the River he realized this was not the vehicle to get him an Oscar. But he does what actors do in a situation like this, chew the scenery.

Not to say Alain Delon isn't a fine player, but you'd never know it from this film.

And the gags are a bit old. I mean when Dean Martin gets shot with an arrow in the hindquarters is someone's idea of humor, you know this film isn't getting any awards.

The plot is also stolen from John Wayne's The Commancheros with Martin and Delon in the roles Wayne and Stuart Whitman had. Duke's film is sooooooo much better.

But if you're easy to please with your comedy, Texas Across the River should be your speed.

Starting out I didn't know what to make of this Western. Joey Bishop as an Indian? It had to be the first time he rolled his eyes that I figured out the writers were playing it strictly for laughs here, with Dean Martin leading the charge in this funny Western parody. The Cheyenne Indian tribe in particular cracked me up every time Yellow Knife (Linden Chiles) referred to his father Iron Jacket (Michael Ansara) as 'Dad'. Nothing is safe from the writers' satirical pen in this flick, even the Cavalry gets a workout with Peter Graves leading his soldiers with that non-sensical call to arms that sounded like 'Ha-Roar - Har!' every time they changed direction. I can only imagine what the outtakes for this picture must have been like. To their credit, Rat-Packers Martin and Bishop managed to keep a straight face pretty much throughout the story, but I bet they had to shoot a fair share of scenes more than once to get beyond the hysterics.

Best gag - Sam Hollis (Martin) to Kronk (Bishop) - "Why weren't you born a Comanche?"

Kronk - "Mother run too fast!"

'Suna Mah Gun'.