I remember watching this film years ago. It was hilarious bad then and it's still just as bad after rewatching it again. It had some good Kills! The acting was cheesy as hell. 3/10

'As gory as it is irreverent' boasts the blurb on the back of the DVD for Simon Says; 'bloody and demented' claims the quote on the front; 'Phooey' says I, noticing the 15-rating awarded by the BBFC. But as it happens, it turns out that I am wrong (and once again that the BBFC are inconsistent): this film is every bit as gruesome and deranged as the cover says it is. And then some.

On the face of it, Simon Says might sound like standard, teen-friendly slasher fare—a bunch of good-looking college kids (three blokes, three babes) go camping in the woods where they are hunted by a murderous psycho with a large collection of very sharp implements—but it actually proves to be a truly one-of-a-kind experience, a seriously insane effort boasting an unexpectedly off-the-wall style, inventive graphic violence, and an unrestrained central performance from Crispin Glover that can only be described as 'unique'.

With writer/director William Dear taking such an unusual approach, and it's eccentric star acting even stranger than normal, it's understandable that many might not find this film to their taste; but if, like me, you enjoy your horror erratic and decidedly twisted, then Simon Says, with its flying pick-axe, poodle stomping splatter, should prove a satisfying watch.

7.5 out of 10, happily rounded up to 8 for a very daft but extremely entertaining showdown that sees the heroine opt for a rather unlikely hiding place.

You all know the drill. A quintet of college kids -- hunky stud muffin Riff (Artie Baxter),his snippy girlfriend Kate (a perfectly bitchy Margo Harshman),hot vampy slut Vicky (a deliciously naughty portrayal by Carrie Finklea),amiable stoner Zack (a hilariously goofy Greg Cipes),and naive goody-goody two shoes Ashley (Kelly Vitz) -- go camping in a remote neck of the woods. Since the kids smoke pot and make out, clearly they are destined to meet gruesome untimely ends. Of course, they run afoul of crazed hillbilly psycho Stanley and his dim-witted brother Simon. Writer/director William Dear relates the story at a steady pace, really pours on the over-the-top splatter with the amusingly outrageous and imaginative murder set pieces (grisly highlights include one victim being turned in a human CD player, some wicked pick-ax mayhem, and Zack being turned into a giant reefer),and further spices things up with a delightfully twisted sense of pitch-black gallows humor (Stanley's elaborate Rube Goldberg-style deadly contraptions are very funny in an admittedly sick sort of way). Best of all, the one and only Crispin Glover has himself a field day in the juicy dual role of Simon and Stanley: Sporting a strange voice that alternates between a shrill whine and an overripe Southern accent, doing all these twitchy mannerisms with histrionic abandon, making all these groaningly cruddy Simon says puns, and even stomping on a cute little poodle in one particularly great scene, Glover is a total wacky hoot to watch. Both Bryan Greenberg's slick cinematography, Ludek Drizhal's shuddery, spirited score, and the pleasingly grim ending are all up to par as well, but it's Glover's marvelously manic and unrestrained eye-rolling hambone acting which gives this flick an extra nutty edge. Good, cheesy fun.