REVAMPED is a cheap little cops vs. vampires tale that plays out more like a comedy thriller than a proper horror movie. There are some very cheaply-staged violent moments but for the most part this movie is content to sit back and make a few jokes. The main thrust of the attention is on a series of cameoing stars who must really have been desperate for cash at this time.

Fred Williamson is here as a tough-talking cop in what is probably the film's highlight. Martin Kove shows his villainous face for a couple of minutes. Billy Drago is so underutilised that you'll barely notice him. As for Sam Jones, it's quite amusing to note that his acting talent hasn't really improved in the three decades or so since he first came to fame in FLASH GORDON. Otherwise this is fast-paced but still completely generic.

Like all good vampires films, it delivers on cleavage. The beginning was good enough to hold my attention. However after the main character re-animated, it went downhill. What started out as a clever campy movie degraded into B grade film. And in my R rated version, the women have sex with their tops on. I would have expected something more physical from super strong vampires: tossing each other around the room, knocking over furniture etc.

You'd think with a cast full of B-movie names that populate "Revamped" it'd be a bit better than this vampire horror comedy turns out. Not as many yuks yuks or surprises, and the low budget hurts it when the action occurs. Many great names go rather underused, probably because director-star Jeff Rector couldn't pay them enough. Below-par special effects might either charm the pants off-you(..this goes for the acting as well)or cause intense groaning. It's not without moments, though.

A wealthy businessman, Richard(Jeff Rector)finds out his wife's cheating, and calls a "vampire hotline" so that he could be turned. That vampiress who does so comes in the package of still-sexy Tane McClure as Lilith. Lilith and Richard develop feelings for each other and their sparks will be rekindled five years later, after his cremated ashes spill on the blood of undertakers(..one of them being Lurch, Carel Struycken)assassinated by a couple of Satanists. Richard does get revenge on his wife and her lover(played by Kato Kaelin, haha)and soon finds refuge with underground vampires hiding from a human task force led by the disgruntled Jake Hardcastle(a bulky Sam J Jones, of Flash Gordon fame)whose face was scarred by an attack from his wife and daughter, turned vampires he'd have to eliminate. Besides the human task force, Richard and his underground people must also contend with a vampire cult, led by Vladimus(the rat-like Billy Drago, with only a few scenes, but just as theatrical and menacing..a most welcome presence, no matter how under-utilized)and his muscle Kahn(Deron McBee). Richard finds his allegiances complicated when he finds that Lilith is sided with Vladimus, and the human side which remains longs to support his underground pals. He'll find an unlikely alliance with two cops, Detectives Reeger(Martin Cove, of The Karate Kid fame)and Peters(former male porn star Paul Michael Robinson, playing gleefully against type as a virginal Mormon). Richard has an underground friend named Mary(Alana Curry, looking quite yummy in a tight shirt and jeans)who just so happens to be Reeger's "thought-to-be-dead" daughter. Lilith is torn in her support for stopping Vladimus and his undead gang from participating in a ceremony called the "Black Dawn", reading from a book of the dead during a certain full eclipse, needing a virgin to sacrifice..that virgin they desire is Mary. Lilith will join forces with Richard, but has a major problem..her sister, Lexa(Christa Campbell, some more eye candy)is an avid supporter of Vladimus and his plans for a "vampire Armageddon."

The violence is never too brutal and oftentimes many of the murders occur off camera probably due to lack of funding. Director Jeff Rector tries to combat his financial woes by injecting silly humor, poking fun at the vampire genre through his tongue-in-cheek screenplay feeding the characters with dialogue that will either work or not work considering your mood entering this particular film. There were times I chuckled, and Rector's limitations didn't bother me as much as they might others(..it does have a rather low IMDb rating, so I'm guessing most found it an awful watch). Some other actors who stop by for a moment or two include Fred Williamson as Reeger and Peters' superior Captain Michaels, Reggie Bannister(Phantasm)as a shady goth bar type who helps run a snuff film ring in his bar basement, Dennis Haskins(Principal Belding of Saved by the Bell)as a Satanist and Anne Lockhart, of all people, as all-smiles underground "half-breed" Celeste.