In Mexico, the determinate federal agent Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) opposes to the order of his chief and drives with his partner to the hideout of the drug lord Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal) to rescue an abducted woman (Mayra Leal) that is witness against the gangster. However, he finds the witness naked on the bed but he is surprisingly betrayed by her, and his wife and daughter are murdered by Torrez.

Three years later, Machete is an illegal immigrant in Texas that wanders on the streets seeking job in the Day Labor Site. He is hired by Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate the boasting right-winged Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro),who is against the immigrants and defends the construction of an electrified fence along the border with Mexico. Machete receives one hundred and fifty thousand dollars for the assignment, but he gives the money to Luz (Michelle Rodriguez),a Mexican woman that sells taco in her truck and manages the underground Network that assists illegal Mexicans and helped Machete three years ago.

When Machete is ready as a sniper in a tower, he finds that he has been betrayed and set up by Booth, who actually is McLaughlin's adviser and plotted the scheme to improve the statistics with the sympathy of the electors to McLaughlin. Once again Machete survives and discovers that Booth supports the vigilantes led by the cruel Von Jackson (Don Johnson) and is associated to Torrez. Now Machete seeks revenge against his enemies and becomes a myth.

"Machete" is a funny action movie and THE FILM of Danny Trejo that perfectly fits to the anti-hero. The story follows the style of B- movies, with exploitation and ultra-violence, but has a cast that is a constellation of stars. There are memorable lines (my favorite is when the priest says "God has mercy, I don't") and details, like the name of the garage (Machete's Chop Shop). I have just watched this film on DVD, and the deleted scenes shows many details of the story that unfortunately have been deleted in the edition, like the twin sister of Sartana Rivera "Sis", or Rose McGowan as the assassin "Boots McCoy". My vote is eight.

Title (Brazil): "Machete"

Note: On 22 September 2015, I saw this film again.

"Machete" is not a good film...nor does it even try to be. It's a film with insanely cartoon-like violence, it's extremely sexist, ridiculously one- dimensional characters and a main character that makes Rambo look like Gandhi!! It clearly is a guilty pleasure...but for the right person, it's a lot of fun. Sick, disgusting and creepy fun...but fun nevertheless.

I should first point out that I saw this movie on the FX channel. While these folks have practically no standards whatsoever based on what they generally show, I also believe that they must have trimmed the film in order to show it. Any sex was likely excised...though the violence sure seemed to all be there! Yep...heads were flying right and left, guys were vomiting in close-ups, folks were getting stabbed in the eye with stiletto heels and they went through more blood to make this film than the entire Battle of the Bulge--all on FX! So, if it WAS edited, I would have to see what they found as too offensive!!

Danny Trejo plays Machete--an ex-Mexican police officer who was left for dead by a soft-speaking Dracula-like baddie (Steven Seagal). Why leave your worst enemy and killing machine like Machete alive once you've captured him--especially after he slaughtered most of your evil minions? Well, how else can Machete star in the film considering that this is all in the first few minutes of the movie!!

Years pass. There is an evil senator (Robert De Niro) who is on a campaign to kill illegal Mexican aliens. And, there is the drug lord (Seagal). How and why do they and their lackeys somehow work together and how does Machete figure into all this? And, how does a hottie US government agent who wears stiletto heels (Jessica Alba) get teamed up with Machete? See the film if you are curious.

The bottom line is that practically none of the plot makes any sense, the characters are pretty stupid and one-dimensional and the film seems like just an excuse to allow one atrocity after another to be put on the screen. But despite its dumbness, it's also funny- -in a sick, violent sort of way. You cannot help but laugh at its excess and Trejo's performance is fun as well--even though NO ONE is so tough that they can take on groups of armed gunmen again and again armed only with a machete!! Ridiculous...but clearly a film that never takes itself seriously in the least. It never tries to be much other than a guilty pleasure.

By the way, the film has a zillion surprising appearances by actors who you wouldn't expect in such an exploitation picture--such as De Niro, Don Johnson and many others. As for Lindsey Lohan...she is one you'd expect to see in such a film. My daughter summed it up well by saying "it has so many cameos that it's like a Muppet movie...but with a lot more killing!". Couldn't have summed it up much better myself! I would have just said it was stylish and stupid--and the last 10 minutes of the film perhaps the stoopidest in film history!!

When the Tarantino/Rodriguez double-film collaboration GRINDHOUSE came out, it included with it a handful of fake trailers specifically made to hearken back to grindhouse cinema of old. The most notable trailer of the bunch was for MACHETE, a hilariously high octane action-thrill ride starring everyone's favourite Hispanic hero, Danny Trejo. The trailer was so well received that it was inevitable that a subsequent film would eventually follow, and when the real trailer for the film came out I thought it looked pretty good, as full of over the top nonsense as I was hoping. It was inevitable that no real movie could live up to that initial promise.

MACHETE is, at the end of it, a B-movie featuring an unusually familiar cast. At its worst it feels like a case of join-the-dots film-making, as the gaps between the decent bits in the trailer are full of poor plotting and a fairly uninvolving, repetitive storyline. In certain instances, like when the film turns into a political commentary on the plight of illegal aliens, you feel that it's overstretching itself and forgetting what it's all about. The base line is this: MACHETE is a typical action vehicle, a revenge-fuelled odyssey of revenge and violence, all shot through with an old-fashioned sensibility.

The low budget is often stretched and my biggest disappointment was the lack of any real bite or grittiness. Despite the outrageous violence of the fight sequences, they feel like something out of a comic book rather than a lean '70s-era thriller. Yes, watching Trejo beat the hell out of any villain who gets close to him is a joy, but the stretches between such moments are routine, leaving us waiting for the next one to come along. All the good bits were shown in the trailer, leaving this devoid of anything approaching surprise or excitement. Rodriguez shares directing credits with an unfamiliar name, making you wonder whether he did all the juicy bits and left the boring plotting to somebody else.

Still, I'm sure that rewatches will prove more enjoyable, given that my unfairly high expectations have now been dashed. The film is schlocky and amusing, and makes fine use of a hard-to-beat cast. Along with the excellent Trejo, a man who's been crying out for a vehicle like this his entire career, we're treated to fun turns from the likes of Robert De Niro, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Savini and Michelle Rodriguez as various allies/adversaries; Steven Seagal shows up to memorable effect, playing a villain for the first time in his career, and Jeff Fahey is as superbly slimy and ruthless as he was in the original fake trailer all those years ago. Only Jessica Alba lets the side down with a completely hopeless, embarrassingly out of her depth turn. The action and effects, when they come, are splendidly squidgy and it's hard to dislike a film with this much enthusiasm, so MACHETE has the potential to become a cult favourite in years to come.