What a lovely piece of nastiness this B-movie shlock horror flick is.

The story itself is pretty basic. A Hell's Angels gang is carrying out a Black Mass to call out a nasty Daemon when a rival gang crash the party. The combatants are too late though. The Daemon has arrived and he's possessed a Norton Motorbike. This bike is then bought and repaired by bike enthusiast Noddy (Neil Morrissey)... but when the sun sets the bike sets off around the city looking for its own special brand of go-go-juice... Blood... Human Blood!

What makes this story so enjoyable though is the dark humour and the tongue-in-cheek storytelling. All the cliches are here, though, none of them is taken seriously.

The director, Dirk Campbell, tries his hardest to add an eerie atmosphere using lighting and colour techniques. However, what we get is a more '80's pop video. Which, in itself, isn't bad and gives the film a distinct feeling of style. What the director does well is use what's on offer to the best of his ability. For example the decapitations. Though the act isn't the best effect out, what he does with the severed heads makes up for it. Noddy's mate's, Buzzer, severed head look brilliant because of the way it's handled. Even when he appears as a talking turd in a nightmare it looks shockingly good. He even adds to the humour by using the motorcycle's headlight as the Daemon's eye and having him ogle Noddy's girlfriend, Kim. Then when Noddy and the priest have to run to the exorcism you know you're gonna hear The Batman '66 theme... and you just have to giggle.

The acting is above average, though it's not the lead characters who are the strongest in the cast. It's Michael Elphic as the garlic chomping copper, Anthony Daniels as the biker priest, and Andy Powell as the angry Hell's Angel boss who will stand out the most. They play their roles beautifully and just over the top enough to suit this film. I have to say though that the silent statue of the Chinese takeaway, Burt Kwok is my favourite of the pack... and he says nowt.

I have to say, though this only gets an average score it's well worth at least one watch. It's also that type of film you may fall in love with. So if you love horror and comedy then give this film a look-see. It's a very enjoyable hour and a half.

A trouble-making biker gang murders some occultists, apparently just for the Hell of it. But the demon that the occultists were summoning enters a damaged Norton Commando motorcycle, which at some point later enters into the possession of a young chap named Noddy (Neil Morrissey, 'Men Behaving Badly'). Soon, it has revealed its true colours: yes, it really does suck blood (you have to see this to believe it),and hates the sunlight! Noddy teams up with a heroic priest (Anthony "C-3PO" Daniels, of all people) to exorcise the demon.

Although this goes on a bit longer than any B movie really should (at an hour and 46 minutes),"I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" provides outrageous fun as long as the prospective viewer isn't too demanding. It's not for people who ordinarily dislike comedy with their horror, but others will appreciate the fact that it adopts a heavy tongue-in-cheek attitude. It's often quite amusing, especially when the bike gives itself a demonic "makeover". It claims a reasonable amount of victims, in enjoyably gory fashion, and can even scale walls.

The performances are all quite enjoyable. Morrissey is an amiable (if somewhat oblivious at first) lead. Amanda Noar (the real-life Mrs. Morrissey at the time) is an appealing, sexy leading lady. Michael Elphick ("The Element of Crime") is a real hoot as an investigating detective. Daniels likewise tickled this viewers' funny bone. Andrew Powell (as bike gang leader Roach),George Rossi (as his associate Chopper),and the briefly seen Daniel Peacock ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") comprise a good supporting cast. However, if you've heard that Burt "Cato" Kwouk is in this, be advised that his (non-speaking) cameo amounts to very little. (He *does*, however, have a rather unfortunate name that elicits a cheap laugh.)

This little flick is a good candidate for a cult favourite, and it just goes to show that the Brits can pull off this kind of self-aware schlock just as neatly as anyone. It may reek of a minimal budget, but that only adds to the good vibes for any B movie lover.

Seven out of 10.

I BOUGHT A VAMPIRE MOTORCYCLE is a British comedy horror from 1990, made on a low budget but with a lot of enthusiasm. I have a soft spot for this one after catching it on sell-thru VHS back in the 1990s and watching it again yesterday (a HD print has been uploaded to Prime) I think it's aged really well. The plot involves a Satanic ritual being invaded by a biker gang; the cult leader's spirit transfers to a nearby motorbike, which then gradually transforms into a vampire. New owner Neil Morrissey then has to figure out what to do about it.

I find this a surprisingly efficient B-movie, with a lot of humour and plenty of action. Of course you never really buy the idea of a sentient motorbike but they have a lot of fun with spraying blood and splatter effects anyway and none of it is taken too seriously. Morrissey comes across as quite charismatic in this one and is well supported by C3P0 - I mean Anthony Daniels - as a priest and Michael Elphick as a detective. There are bar-room brawls, vehicle chases, explosions, stunts and plenty of supernatural mayhem to boot, all shot in and around Birmingham of all places.