Hardbodies

1984

Action / Comedy

Plot summary


Uploaded by: FREEMAN

Top cast

Kane Hodder Photo
Kane Hodder as Older Geek
Darcy DeMoss Photo
Darcy DeMoss as Dede
Joyce Jameson Photo
Joyce Jameson as Rounder's Mom
720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
612.31 MB
1280*714
English 2.0
NR
23.976 fps
1 hr 28 min
P/S 0 / 7
1.29 GB
1920*1072
English 2.0
NR
23.976 fps
1 hr 28 min
P/S 1 / 11

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by bkoganbing2 / 10

Witness beach romp

I saw in another review that Hardbodies at least it pretends to be nothing else than a T&A classic. That is certainly true but honesty is not enough to save this rather witless beach romp from oblivion.

The best blond surfer god type since Greg Bradford is featured in Hardbodies. Grant Cramer is currently between residents and not surprising since apparently he doesn't actually have a job. But 3 forty something guys who've made their pile and divorced their wives are now looking to pick up women on the beach and Cramer certainly knows how.

The only saving grace is Grant Cramer who if your taste runs to blond surfer types as a woman or a gay man he fills the bill.

But it's not enough.

Reviewed by Woodyanders8 / 10

A supremely silly'n'sleazy serving of vintage 80's sex comedy trash

Smarmy wannabe hipster Hunter (nicely played to the smug hilt by Gary Wood),tubby Rounder (solid Michael Rapport),and easygoing Carlton Ashby (a wonderfully amiable performance by Sorrells Pickard) are three lecherous and hopelessly square middle-aged guys who rent the most swank house on the beach. The bumbling trio hire slick and hunky beach bum stud Scotty Palmer (a very likable turn by Grant Cramer) to teach them how to score with hot young babes. Directer/co-writer Mark Griffiths relates the cheerfully goofy and naughty story at a bouncy constant pace and maintains a blithely raunchy tone throughout. Better still, this film certainly delivers what it promises: wall-to-wall tasty female nudity, gorgeous honeys aplenty in skimpy bikinis or less, a cool rockin' soundtrack (the theme song is extremely catchy and the all-girl band Vixen seriously smokes),some sizzling soft-core sex, no pretense whatsoever to get in the way of the delightfully raucous go-for-it bawdy fun, and loads of heavy-duty partying. The ladies are undeniably hot: Teal Roberts as Scotty's sweet girlfriend Kristi Kelly, Kristi Sommers as the sassy'n'spunky Michelle, Cindy Silver as the perky Kimberly, Darcy De Moss as aggressive Dede, and Crystal Shaw as the enticing, yet unavailable Candy. Courtney Gains has a ball as Scotty's funky buddy Rags and the ever-radiant Roberta Collins acquits herself well as friendly land lady Lana. Popping up in nifty bits are Kathleen Kimmont as a sexy skater, Kane "Jason" Hodder as a pesky geek, and Joyce Jameson as Rounder's overbearing mother. Tom Richmond's sparkling cinematography gives the picture an attractive sunny look and surveys all the luscious chicks with unabashedly leering aplomb. Vic Caesar's lively score keeps things humming along. Of course, this flick is absolute tacky and idiotic cheese, but it's way too energetic and good-natured in its very unapologetic stupidity to be remotely offensive. A complete hoot.

Reviewed by BandSAboutMovies5 / 10

Hardbodies

This movie ran all the time on cable to the point that it was a puberty rite of passage amongst the teens of my hometown, which really seems to come up in so many write-ups this week. Yes, before the internet and sexting, we were all in our rooms alone watching cable and hacking the carrot. The 80s were not an innocent time.

Grant Cramer (Killer Klowns from Outer Space) is Scotty, who gets hired by three old men - Gary Wood, Michael Rapport (Patrick from Black Christmas) and Sorrells Pickard - to teach them how to pick up young women. He has a skill called BBD (Bigger and Better Deal) that allows him to "dialogue" women into bed. Then, you know, he falls in love with a girl named Kristi and starts seeing how sad the life he led once was. Because yeah, that's how guys are.

I mean, what do you expect about a movie that's based on an article in the November 1983 Penthouse Magazine that was written by the film's screenwriters Eric Alter and Steve Greene? Supposedly, this is based on a true story.

Courtney Gains - Malachi! - is in this, as is Darcy DeMoss from Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives and Vice Academy 3, Roberta Collins (Matilda the Hun from Death Race 2000),Kathleen Kinmont (Halloween 4),Kristi Somers (Valerie from Savage Streets),Marcia Carr (Stevie from Savage Streets and Nancy from Maniac Cop),Emily Longstreth (American Drive-In),Leslee Bremmer (School Spirit),Kane Hodder as a geek and the band Vixen playing Diaper Rash.

Is it good? Well, no. Not really. Is it something that I watch every once in a while to remind myself of when I was closer in age to the hero and not the men who hire him?

Yes. I can admit it.

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