Hmm. When the production company is called Backyard Films you know the film is going to be cheap, but not this cheap: CRAWL OR DIE is one of the worst horror films I've seen in, oh, a month or so; a poverty-row, originality-free production with a scant storyline, poor dialogue, non-existent acting, and a generally all-too-familiar narrative.

The storyline involves the last fertile woman on Earth (you know, like in CHILDREN OF MEN). She has to get to a place of safety, so a security team escort her down an endless tunnel, except they're being pursued by an alien beast intent on chomping down on human flesh. The entire film seems to have borrowed the air vent scenes from ALIEN and ALIENS and extended them to feature length.

This should be a claustrophobic film but the level of ineptitude means it's just boring instead. The only part I liked was how the tunnel is constantly narrowing, but not much is done with that premise either. The film is too dark, too derivative, with characters you can never muster up the energy to care about. It seems the director was going for a scary, THE DESCENT-style atmosphere, but it's entirely missing. This film's a dud.

An elite team of fighters are to escort the last living virus free fertile female in existence to a space shutter where she we be transported to "Earth 2" during seven months of cryosleep. Now how the virus was transmitted or what planet they are on, is not known. They secure "the package (Torey Byrne) and go underground to avoid "those things" only to one pursue them underground through a series of tunnels.

Most of the film consists of people crawling through tunnels (some bigger than others) and listening to them grunt, breath, and whimper. Except for a few moments they managed to keep people crawling from 17 minutes into the film until near the end. I was exhausted from watching it, and not overly entertained. If the goal of the film was to get as many belly button, butt, and crotch shots of Nicole Alonso without looking too obvious, it was a glorious success.

The creature looked like something from "Alien." Not recommended for claustrophobic folks. Dialogue was terrible.

Parental Guide: F-bomb. No sex or nudity.

"Crawl or Die" is essentially a massive snoozefest, especially because everything that is going on is a dwindling number of people who crawl around in confined spaces that progressively gets smaller and smaller, and the people are chased by a creature that looks like a poor man's rendering of the icon creature from "Alien".

Yep, that was basically the entire storyline. The story was simple to the point of being braindead.

Acting-wise, well it was adequate. I mean, what talent does it take to crawl around in confined spaces that get more and more narrow. And there were very little dialogue in the movie as well.

I will say that the camera-work throughout the movie was alright, and the editing was alright as well. And these were actually the two brightest moments of the entire movie.

As mentioned above, the creature was a rip off of the iconic alien creature from the "Alien" movies, from the spines along the back, to the tail, and to the head. Except that it was a poor man's version of the Alien creature.

"Crawl or Die" was 86 minutes of life that I will never get back, and I can't think of a single reason for recommending this movie to anyone.