CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE'S ASSISTANT is another bland Hollywood adaptation of a young adult novel, in this case one of a series by popular kid's author Darren Shan. The tale is about a pair of typical high schoolers who visit their local freak show and get involved with a bunch of supernatural misfits.

What it all turns out to be is rather a lame comedy with few laughs and even less intellect. Much of the acting is not so much acting as overacting, with actors competing to outdo one another. There are all manner of weird 'freak' exhibits and questionable characters (like poor Ken Watanabe) alongside the usual high school problems/alienation type stuff.

Aside from the deeply wooden central pairing (the unknown-to-me Chris Massoglia and the hateful Josh Hutcherson),the wonderful cast includes John C. Reilly, Orlando Jones, Salma Hayek, Willem Dafoe, Colleen Camp, and the great Ray Stevenson, wasted in a boring villain role. All of them seem faintly embarrassed to be involved, and you can hardly blame them when the film consists of endless effects scenes, boring CGI action, and a general lack of intent giving the movie as a whole an aimless flavour.

Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia) is a teen who loves spiders. His best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson) loves vampires. They live in a surreal preppy suburbs. One day a freak show comes to town, and the two must go see. The ringmaster is vampire Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) and he has a special spider. Steve couldn't convince Larten to convert him. But when Larten's spider bites Steve, Larten is willing to save Steve only if Darren would become a vampire's assistant.

There are a lot of name actors that seems to be slumming it in tiny minor roles. It's distracting especially considering the lead Chris Massoglia is so underwhelming. While I appreciate the costumes and the style of the movie, the story moves too slowly. There are too many scenes dwelling on the minutia rather than dealing with the main story. And John C. Reilly just don't fit the vampire stereotype. He's neither dark nor brooding. There is something just not right with the freak show.

The teenager Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia) is an excellent student that is obsessed by spiders and pride and joy of his perfect middle-class family; his best friend is the reckless Steve (Josh Hutcherson) that dreams on becoming a vampire. When they receive a flyer with the advertisement of a freak show, they sneak to the theater to see the attractions. The ringmaster is the vampire Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) that has a lethal spider. After the show, Darren goes to Crepsley dress-room and overhears Steve unsuccessfully trying to convince Larten to transform him in a vampire. Darren steals Larten's spider that bites Steve in school later; he seeks out Larten asking for an antidote for his friend. Larten proposes a deal to Darren: he should become his assistant and he would give the dose to Steve. When jealous Steve recovers, he believes his friend has betrayed him; but he is transformed in a vampaneze, an evil breed in truce with the vampires, by the mean Murlaugh (Ray Stevenson).

The disappointing "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" is a boring and annoying film. It is supposed to be funny but it is silly indeed. I really did not like this flick. The wooden and expressionless Chris Massoglia is too weak for the lead role. My vote is five.

Title (Brazil): "Circo dos Horrores: O Aprendiz de Vampiro" ("Circus of Horrors: The Apprentice of Vampire")